Friends, they come in and out of your life constantly. Friendships grow, maintain, or completely fizzle out. They’re our saviors and our enemies. I’m no stranger to the ever changing “best friend” although my current has been in my life for seven years and I’m pretty sure she’s here to stay. Before her there were four other best friends and countless close friends who jumped ship on me.
With New Year’s resolutions still fresh {since we haven’t hit February yet} I’ve seen some other bloggers post about how they want to cherish their true friends and let go of the ones that hurt them. You know the ones that never return your calls or make plans to have dinner, the ones that only want you when they need something. Those friends need to be let go.
I’m working on that goal myself, but I have to say I have a really hard time with that concept. When a friendship ends sometimes it’s really apparent why it ended. There was a huge fight or betrayal. The end. Other times though, it’s not so clear. She just stopped returning my calls. She turned down every invite I extended. It’s these friends I still think about.
What did I do wrong? Did I say something? Not say something? Forget something? What the hell happened to make you not want to be around me anymore? And the bigger question, why didn’t you ever give me a chance to fix it? Why didn’t we discuss whatever it was and try to resolve it?
I’ve read theories where people can only maintain so many relationships in their life. Maybe it’s true. Maybe I’m at my max. Maybe they’re at their max. This “fact” still doesn’t make it any easier. All I can do at this point is to do my very best at nurturing the current friendships I have. I believe I’ll still wonder though.
I'm a bad friend right now to numerous close friends I had. I've lost touch and am never able to do anything. I feel horrible about it because it's so hard sometimes trying to maintain close friendships when your life is SO consumed by something else. Something that pretty much determines the rest of your life. School doesn't come easy to me so I have to spend countless hours studying plus going to clinicals. I feel so exhausted all the time. I even work on the weekends. Also because I have no job right now we never have any money to do anything. It's just really hard right now. I hope that my "true" friends understand that I'm doing the best I can and that it's not like I don't love them or want to be with them. I just have other obligations right now. It's something I really struggle with on a daily basis. I hope the friends that I don't keep as much contact with don't think it's them. I think the friends that "really care" about a friendship will always confront the situation if they feel a friendship is struggling. I think one of the most important things between any healthy relationship is communication!
ReplyDelete