Friday, March 9, 2012

a mother's love

The entire time I was pregnant I was told by many that I was about to experience a type of love I've never felt before, a love that's so strong and so deep, a mother's love. Mothers all around, including mine, said it would sweep over me as soon as I held my sweet boy in my arms and it would be amazing.

I didn't doubt any of them. I knew I would love Quinn with all my heart and I was ready to feel this mother's love that everyone spoke of. I imagined my heart literally growing inside me like the Grinch at the end of the story.

When I gave birth and the nurse put him on my belly I cried. Big sloppy tears too. The emotions pretty much just oozed out of me. I loved Quinn like I had loved him forever. It didn't feel like a new love with butterflies and giddiness. This love felt like it had been inside me since I was inside my mother's belly. It was a love I've always had that was saved especially for him.

Now I often get asked, "Did you ever know you could love someone this much?" and I feel a pang of guilt. I smile and respond with something along the lines of "it's pretty amazing" but truthfully, yes I did already know.

See I've felt this kind of love before...for my husband. It's special and wonderful and deep. Again it feels like I've loved him from the very beginning of my life. I have these little pockets of love that have always been with me that are meant just for him and my sweet baby.

The reason I feel guilty is because I don't think I have a mother's love for Quinn like everyone talks about. It certainly is unique and special but it's not a new feeling. So instead of feeling sad about it I try and look at it differently.

I'm blessed to be able to love my husband the same way I love my child.

1 comment:

  1. I love your description of a Mother's love. I feel that way about my husband also. It always makes me wonder if people just don't love their husbands enough, if they don't feel that. I don't think you should feel guilty, because you can't place an order on who you love most. I certainly can't!

    ...and Quinn is a beautful baby!